So. I know that there are gay geeks out there.
I am one of them. there are websites for them to congregate and talk about gay geeky things.
However i have found that I'm not accepted by them either. I'm a big queen with serious issues, no doubt.
I love Star trek, Stargate,Babylon 5, Doctor who, Firefly, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Starcraft, Terry Brooks Books, Civilization and most of all World of Warcraft. this list could go on forever of the extremely non gay geeky things i love.
Then there's my Gay side. Wicked (stage and book), Little shop, Rent ( not so much the movie), guys and Dolls, Zannadont, Lady Gaga, Madonna, Ecstasy, Trance music, Champagne, Dance clubs, Makeup, Wigs, A fabulous outfit, Bondage, S&M (especially electricity play) and on and on and on.....
I am Gay and a Geek. Then why is it sometimes i feel that i don't belong to either world.
In WOW (World of Warcraft), a Massively multiplayer online role-playing game or MMORPG, I play as a female blood elf Paladin. I'm a good player, I'm almost lvl 80 the max level. I'm in a guild (large group of players under a common flag) but when they find im a gay man instead of a female, people get very uncomfortable. My guild mates will call each other "fag" and "gay bastard" like normal straight guys do which doesnt bother me but then theyll realize im there and freakout and be silent it sucks. I went to see Star Trek, waited in line all day long, first one in line, But when they heard me talking about how HOT Spock was no one would talk to me the rest of the day. I love playing those simple application games on Myspace like Mobster and Fashion Wars. My name on Mobsters is "Adam The Big Queen" i have like no friends on there and i get attack all the time. ive had guys attack me for hours calling me faggot and never letting me leave the ingame hospital.
And for the other side.....
Im at a club, getting my dance on with my girlfriends. Were all having tons of fun and some boy comes up and starts talkin to me......he was adorable......he asked why hes never seen me there before and i joked that Doctor who season finale was the week before. My girlfriends are laughing since its so clearly a joke and he straight out turns and walked away. later in the night i walked passed and he was giggling to his other twinky friends and looking at me. Im in Longbeach for work, Its very casual dress, so i was wearing my Harrypotter Tshirt with a overshirt, a cute vest and my favorite pageboy cap. I was adorable. I decide to stop at this little cafe on Broadway. The Gays in the Cafe kept staring at me and when i went window shopping next door the clerk made a joke about my tshirt. im thinking in my head "FUCK YOU BITCH. Gryphindore is so my house" but i paid for my sunglasses and left silent and alone.
Those websites for gay geeks are all well and good but i prefer to be out and about with people. I can talk to a person for hours but send me an IM online and i dont know what to say.
I try to keep remembering the lessons of a wise gay i once knew named Kristo of LongBeach who told me " Who gives a flying fuck what those cunts think about you. You get out there and do your shit. You tell them to Choose a nut to suck cause you have two" more poignant words have never been spoken. I do try to follow his teaching but i find that i do care what they think i cant help but see people looking at me and my mind goes off on all the horrible things there saying about me. Its who i am.
This is who i am. No matter what anyone trys to teach me or force me into. I cant change for the world. Ive tried for years. Its time for the word to change to me.
This BIG BITCH is going to continue to be the Big silly Homo who loves her Geeky men and the shows they watch. Either love me or move out the way.
Live Long and Prosper,
Girlina Queen of the Universe and Azeroth ( look it up bitches)